Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What is the study of real estate? Homology
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.