Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.