The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."