What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Air resistance is a real drag.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What is the study of real estate? Homology
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference