Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.