What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!