Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.