What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea