What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes