Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
To get to the other tide.
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.