What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.