When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.