I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.