The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.