What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.