Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett