Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls