The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.