Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.