I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Do you find bone puns humerus?
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.