How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus