Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
That boy narrated his-story really well.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.