England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"