I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.