Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!