When you offered me love, I lepton it!
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.