Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.