What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
What is the study of real estate? Homology
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam