My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.