Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Ah! The element of surprise.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.