What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.