What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.