How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!