What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.