Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.