I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat