Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.