Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white?
Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
What did the gold say to the pyrite? You’re a fool and a fake!
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
I really hate rock puns.
My sediments exactly.
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time? You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test? This is too much pressure!
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
Where do rocks like to sleep?
In bedrocks!
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I really lava you!
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
Rock was magma before it was cool.
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.