Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
What’s a cetacean’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
What did the lobsterman say when his crate turned up empty?
It a-piers we have a problem.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
Why don’t clams give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish!
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
How are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship