What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
What did the wise papa fish tell his son?
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
What did the lobsterman say when his crate turned up empty?
It a-piers we have a problem.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.
How do you cut an ocean in half?
With a seasaw!
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
How are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.