What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
What is fire to a pyromaniac?
Just a warm-up.
Q: How do you stop newspapers from flying away on windy days?
A: Use a news anchor!
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
Are you squiding me right now?
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
Why are mountains always sleepy? Because they n-Everest.
Where do rocks like to sleep?
In bedrocks!
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
What do books wear on a wet and rainy day? Rain quotes.
They told me they were handing out free beef at the beach...
When I arrived I realized it was a bay-con.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
My glasses fogged up once I came out of the AC room last summer, but I was okay because I was opti-mistic.
What did the river sue for?
Beaver damage.
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
The fisherman lost his new fishing hook in the river. He refused to accept it. He was in the Nile.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
Where do naughty rainbows go?
Prism
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
Beach you to it.
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
What is the strongest creature in the ocean? A mussel!
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
A magician wearing a rainbow colored coat is called Hue-dini.
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
It just mist.
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
When it comes to getting things done, my work ethic is like lightning.
I take the path of least resistance.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
Lost at sea? I'm not shore.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.