What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning?
His entire wife flashed before his eyes.
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
Why don’t elephants go to the beach?
Because their trunks always fall down.
What is a tornado's favorite Elton John song? Candle in the Wind!
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
That rainbow is so neat, it must be professional gradient.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
Why do skeletons hate how wind feels? Because it goes right through them!
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
eople say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
Why did the cloud stay at home? It was feeling under the weather.
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
What is a tornado's favorite movie? Gone With the Wind!
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
The police officer went to the crime scene and he saw that there had been a murder in the dense grasslands. Guess, we could call it a grass-assination.
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
A good friend of mine fell into a vaporiser and died.
She is sadly mist.
Feeling fintastic.
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
What did the ground say to the earthquake? You crack me up!
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white?
Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
My dad's nickname is lightning.
That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.