How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
Green is the most relaxed color in the rainbow, it's so jade back.
What is the color of the wind? Blew!
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
The hiker hated the top of the mountain because it was all downhill from there!
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
Why is grass so dangerous? Because it is full of blades!
The wind had such a great time. You could say it had a blast.
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
What is the best way for fungi to grow? You must give it as mushroom as possible!
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
Seas the day.
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
Shell yeah.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
What did the baby cloud say to its mum when it rained? Sorry, mum, I couldn't hold it any longer.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.