I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
Q: What do you call a windmill swallowed up by a tornado?
A: A wind meal
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
You can bet on firemen at the beach.
It's a shore-fire thing.
What’s every ice cream parlor owner’s side hustle?
Sundae school teacher.
During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
Q; What’s the difference between origami and grandpa passing wind?
A: One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What is Jack Frost’s favourite mode of transport?
A Tr-Ice-cycle
Q: Why is it so windy in England?
A: Because Harry Kane (hurricane) lives there..
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
Rain doesn’t fall. Raindrops.
He was going to sleep in a bucket of ice.
But then he got cold feet.
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
Feeling fintastic.
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.