I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
You’re my heartthrob.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.