A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
I can heartly wait to see you again.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
You’re my heartthrob.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.