What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
You’re my heartthrob.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
I have a heart-on for you.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.