Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.