My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.