What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
You’re my heartthrob.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.