What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
I can heartly wait to see you again.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.