Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
I have a heart-on for you.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
You’re my heartthrob.