I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
I have a heart-on for you.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.