My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
You’re my heartthrob.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.