You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.