Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
I have a heart-on for you.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."