You’re my heartthrob.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
I have a heart-on for you.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.