What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
You’re my heartthrob.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.