I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
You’re my heartthrob.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I have a heart-on for you.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.