What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
You’re my heartthrob.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
I can heartly wait to see you again.