Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
You’re my heartthrob.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
I have a heart-on for you.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.