My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
I have a heart-on for you.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.