Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
You’re my heartthrob.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.