What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
"Bone to be wild."
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
I have a heart-on for you.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
"No body won the skeleton race."
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.