I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.