Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
"Bone to be wild."
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”