My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.