No body has ever won a skeleton race.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
"Lazy bones."
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.