what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.