What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
"Dying to have fun."
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.