Pan wants to lead his kind to rebellion, but...
He can't get no Satyr Faction.
THE KRAKEN: Yes, I'd like to renew my lease, please.
LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
What did one sea monster say to the other sea monster when they started their new jobs as sewer inspectors?
- It’s going to be a Nessie job, but let’s get Kraken!
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
These sea monster jokes are so funny.
They had me kraken!
What did the giant octopus say to the pirate ship?
- What’s Kraken?
What do Krakens eat?
Fish and ships.
Why did the kraken eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship.
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
Who is Medusa’s cheesy cousin?
Gorgon Zola
I feel like Medusa was in some rocky relationships.
I heard Medusa looked really pretty.
In fact, her looks were stunning.
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
What was it like to fight Medusa?
- At first I was afraid, then I was petrified...
What is Medusa’s favorite cheese?
Gorgonzola.
What did the minotaur say to the real estate agent?
- Amazing.
Why do Minotaurs make terrible detectives?
Because they hate to go on steak-outs!
Why are Minotaurs always broke?
Because their loan sharks are always milking them dry!
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
- Hey, graduate student Minotaur, what are you up to today?
- Not much, just working on my Theseus.
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?
A swing and a myth.
What do you call a small Minotaur?
A Minitaur.
Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.
My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids, then it behooves you to become a centaur.
What do you call half of a centaur?
A per-centaur.
I have no idea how so many people didn’t make it out the labyrinth.
It only took me a minotaur two.
I hear the Minotaur is really stubborn....
He's really bull-headed.
Why did king Minos put Minotaur inside a labyrinth?
He wanted to amaze his wife.
When a Minotaur considers himself an optimist is it that he sees his glass as half-bull?
Why did the ad agency hire a hydra?
She knew how to wear many different hats.
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
What do hydras fear the most?
Dehydration!
A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by.
The sphinx said to the man, "You may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"
The man thought for a moment and answered, "Imagination."
"Wrong," said the Sphinx. "The answer is your mom."
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
What's the similarity between a sailor and a thief?
Both have a phobia for sirens.
What do you call a mythical being working in a smoothie store?
Mejuicea.
If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.
What would you call a singer who's really scared of medusa?
A rockstar.
How did Poseidon greet the sea monster?
- Hey buddy, what's kraken?
What was the most common game played by Greek Gods?
Hydra and seek.
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
I wish medusa would stop objectifying people.