A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.