It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It’s so cold travel agencies are advertising tropical holidays to Alaska.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.