Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.