It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.