It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.