It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.