Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.