Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.