Why did Dany stay home from the party? She wasn’t invited.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
An Irishman, a Chinaman and an American all walk into a bar. This is an excellent example of integrated community.
A man walks into a bar. “Ouch.”
What do you call a cop with a wooden leg?
Officer.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”.
The horse replies “My wife is leaving me and I just got fired."
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Girl holding bowl colorful variety game indoor.
What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
You know what they say? Words.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
What did one Japanese man say to the other? I’ve no idea, I don’t speak Japanese.
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
Due to the expansive nature of the universe, many items both natural and manufactured could be described in this manner. Move over, anti-jokes. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you might just be a genius!
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
What’s a vampire’s favorite food?
Vampires aren’t real.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?
Nothing.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
What is green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colors.
What’s orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Parenting is like playing chess.
I don't know how to play chess.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said…
“We’re calling Animal Protective Services.”
How do you confuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
What did the hobo say when he lost his jacket?
I'm cold.
What do you call someone who kills a black person?
Murderer.
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed.
If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
Yo momma’s so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.