What’s black and white and red all over?
Red white black through tissue samples textiles for making clothes
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Girl holding bowl colorful variety game indoor.
Why did Dany stay home from the party? She wasn’t invited.
A guy walks into a bar. He gets a drink and leaves.
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
What did one Frenchman say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak French.
An Irishman, a Chinaman and an American all walk into a bar. This is an excellent example of integrated community.
A guy walks into a bar.
Which is unfortunate because he has a drinking problem.
If Arnold has $5 and you have $5, you both have $5.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said…
“We’re calling Animal Protective Services.”
Why can't T-Rex's clap their hands?
Because they're extinct.
Why did Benjamin get sick after eating too much ice cream? He was lactose intolerant.
Two muffins are sitting in the oven.
One says, “Wow, it’s hot in here.” The other one says, “Sure is. Probably about 350 degrees Fahrenheit.”
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.
How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
What’s the one thing in life you can always count on? A calculator.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
Why is the fireman buried on the top of the hill?
Because he is dead.
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
What did the doctor say to the other doctor? We’re both doctors!
What would Kurt Cobain be doing if he was still alive? Clawing at the inside of his casket.
Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
Knock knock.
Come in.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
How do you confuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
Parenting is like playing chess.
I don't know how to play chess.
Why couldn't the dragon be a fireman?
Because dragons aren't real.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.
How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him with an axe.
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
What do you call a cop with a wooden leg?
Officer.
What did the homeless man get for christmas?
Nothing.
What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
What do you call someone who kills a black person?
Murderer.
What did the hand say to the face?
Nothing. Fingers can’t talk.
If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
Why was John always at the casino? He’s addicted to gambling.
What's yellow and kills you if you get it in your eyes?
A school bus.
You know what they say? Words.
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?