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Who

Who took all of the toilet paper at the store?
Assholes.
I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.
A guy named Bart walks into a bar, he immediately gets shot and dies. Who killed him?
The Bartender.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
What do Green Eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common?
They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.
My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said "bless you"
Now she just staring at the bushes confused wondering who said that.
To the woman who keeps pounding on my door at night:
I'm not letting you out.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
What did the dolphin say to its friend who wouldn’t stop lying?
Stop spouting nonsense!
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
There are three kinds of people in this world:
Those who can count, and those who can't.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Toucan.
Toucan who?
Toucan play at that game!