There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise.
After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary.
There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."
And the congregation said, "Amen."
I'm Sneaky Bill, I'm terrible and mean and vicious, I steal all the cashews from the mixed-nut dishes. I eat all the icing but I won't touch the cake, And what you won't give me, I'll go ahead and take. I gobble up the cherries from everyone's drinks, And whenever there are sausages I grab a dozen links; I take both drumsticks if there's turkey or chicken, And the biggest strawberries are what I'm pickin'; I make sure I get the finest chop on the plate, And I'll eat the portions of anyone's who's late. I'm always on the spot before the dinner bell-- I guess I'm pretty awful but I do eat well!