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Two

I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
Two condoms are walking down the street...
They pass a gay bar and one condom says to the other "hey, do you wanna get shit-faced?"
Just found two lumps on my car battery.
Got them tested, one came back positive. I hope it's not terminal.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

“Preparing.”
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
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