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Ton

My friend was killed by a 2 ton sack of falling chickpeas
The police verdict? Hummuscide.
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
What is heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?
The feathers.

Because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
I own a big fat cat-
The fattest for miles around.
Wherever there's lots of food,
That's where he'll be found.

He's really good at eating.
It's a talent, I suppose.
I'm sure if he keeps at it
He'd win the talent shows.

I own a big fat cat-
He weighs at least a ton.
He couldn't run to save his life.
Yes, he isn't much fun.

His favourite room's the kitchen.
(I'm sure we all know why.)
He eats just about everything,
So that's why, with a sigh...

I'd like to tell you, Teacher,
I'd like to tell you straight,
I might have "accidentally" dropped
My homework in his plate.

(By Christian M. Mitewu)
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.