Tape Jokes

How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
Too bad my serve hit the tape. Well, at least they’ll LET me hit it again.
Do you like tapes and CDs? (I guess) Good, 'cause Imma tape this dick to your forehead so you CDs nuts.
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
Do you have any tape? Because I'm totally ripped.
Generous Precautions
Generous Precautions Tim walks into a bar and sees his friend Peter slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Peter what's wrong. "Well," replies Peter, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Tim with a laugh. "Well," says Peter, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Tim, "When are you going out?" "Well I went to meet her this evening," continues Peter, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." "Sensible." says Tim. "So I get to her door," says Peter, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" "I kicked her in the face."
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges.
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
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