Tape Jokes

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges.
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
Do you have any tape? Because I'm totally ripped.
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
Generous Precautions Tim walks into a bar and sees his friend Peter slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Peter what's wrong. "Well," replies Peter, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Tim with a laugh. "Well," says Peter, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Tim, "When are you going out?" "Well I went to meet her this evening," continues Peter, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." "Sensible." says Tim. "So I get to her door," says Peter, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" "I kicked her in the face."
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
Do you like tapes and CDs? (I guess) Good, 'cause Imma tape this dick to your forehead so you CDs nuts.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Too bad my serve hit the tape. Well, at least they’ll LET me hit it again.
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