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Why did Santa send his daughter to college? To keep her off the North Pole.
After Stalin died, he met the angel of death. The angel explained to Stalin he can only send him to hell but he lets him to choose which hell.
"Do you prefer to burn in a capitalist hell or a communist hell?" It asks him.
I choose the communist one because there will surely be a shortage of coal.
During holidays, soccer referees send their families yellow cards.
"If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard."
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Don't you work at Hooters? I tried to send you something sexy last night but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Yo Mama so poor children from Africa send her money.
Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
To the shell-block.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen".
The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them".
Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "Nice going. The computer is completely screwed now."
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
Why did the snowman smile? Because the snowblower is coming. One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!