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Send Jokes

Family Puns
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Flamingo Puns
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
April Fools Jokes
Easter and April Fools’ are on the same day this year.
For efficiency, send your kids to look for eggs that you haven’t hidden.
Divorce Puns
“Mr. Jones, I’ve reviewed this case very carefully,” said the divorce court judge, “And I’ve decided to give your wife $300 a week.”
“That’s very fair, your honor,” said the husband.
“I’ll try and send her a few bucks myself every now and then too.”
Tableware Puns
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Lettuce Puns
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.

The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
The Beatles Pick Up Lines
Hold me tight dear and I promise to send all my loving to you.
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"Room service? Send up a larger room."
Orange Puns
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
Funny Birthday Poems
This special birthday wish may be late,
And it may not make you very wise,
But it's still good enough to send,
Because it won't strain your tired eyes.

It may not be the best birthday wish,
And it may not even be on time,
But I think it's better than nothing,
For no other reason than it rhymes.

(Kevin Nishmas)
Viking Puns
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Weather Pick Up Lines
If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard.
If kisses were raindrops, I'd send you a hurricane.
Space Pick Up Lines
Hey baby, mind if I send my probe into your wormhole?
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