Puts Jokes

Yo mama so fat she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
What does marriage do? Puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Mama fly and baby fly were hanging out at the coroner’s office. The coroner was enjoying a sandwich while he performed an autopsy. Baby fly landed on the sandwich as the coroner took a bite. Mama fly jumped into action and hit the man in the eye and baby fly escaped out of his mouth.
. Mama fly looked into baby fly’s eyes and said,

“Nobody puts baby in a coroner.”
Why is horse racing so romantic?
Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
An Optimist and Pessimist wall into a bar.
The optimist orders a drink while the pessimist puts ice on the bruise.
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Yo Mama so stupid she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
How does Toucan Sam wear a belt?
He puts it through his loops
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding their horses.
Tonto stops his horse, jumps off and puts his ear to the ground.
He looks up at the Lone Ranger and says, "Buffalo come".
The Lone Ranger asks, "How do you know that?"
"Ear sticky."
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
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