Puts

What does marriage do? Puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Mama fly and baby fly were hanging out at the coroner’s office. The coroner was enjoying a sandwich while he performed an autopsy. Baby fly landed on the sandwich as the coroner took a bite. Mama fly jumped into action and hit the man in the eye and baby fly escaped out of his mouth.
. Mama fly looked into baby fly’s eyes and said,

“Nobody puts baby in a coroner.”
Why is horse racing so romantic?
Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.
What kind of institution is Marriage?
One where a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Yo Mama so stupid she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.
How does Toucan Sam wear a belt?
He puts it through his loops
Yo mama so fat she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
Yo mama so fat she puts on a black bathing suit and gets in the ocean, everyone screams "Oil spill!"
The male pig puts everyone to sleep.
You might say he’s quite a boar.
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"