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Plastic Jokes

Quotes
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
Graham Norton
Witch Puns
Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?
She looked really good afterworts.
Puns
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
I started a job making plastic Dracula figurines but there’s only two of us in the production line.
I have to make every second Count.
Nurse Puns
What's the name of a nurse who inserts plastic tubes into people?
Catherine.
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
Funny Poems
I don’t have a controller,
And I don’t have a screen,
I don’t need to be plugged in,
I’m not grey and green.
I can’t make sound effects,
Or visuals that are fantastic,
You can’t put me on a shelf,
Because I’m not made of plastic.
However, I do have curves,
Will keep you entertained all the same,
You can’t insert a disc,
But we can make our own little game.
(Sarah Allen)
Mango Puns
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
Funny Money Quotes
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery." ~ Joan Rivers
Yard Puns
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards
I'm sure that must have been a record.
Romantic Pick Up Lines
(give a dozen plastic roses) "I'll stop loving you, when these roses die.
One Liners and Short Jokes
Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor’s office is full of portraits by Picasso.
Rejection Pick Up Lines
Man: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
Woman: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.
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