Peter Jokes

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are molesters, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away.

"AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
I'd rather live my whole life assuming there is a God, only to find out that there isn't, than to live my whole life assuming there isn't a God, only to find out there is. -- Peter Barry
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
By his net income.
“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” Peter Ustinov.
"Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth." – Peter Ustinov
“Parenthood…it’s about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last.”

- Peter Krause.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
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