Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B?
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.

Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.

Child: Yea...

Dad: Then why is there only one?
You're so ugly in your family album they only keep the negatives.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth theist.
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
I only date blind people. It's the only way to make sure they're not seeing other lovers.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
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